What is Gaslighting ?

Gaslighting as Strategy

How many times have you heard the term “Gaslighting." It is thrown about daily, by both parties as an obfuscation of reality. But what does it all mean? This often used term is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person or group seeks to sow doubt in the target's perception of reality, causing them to question their own memory, perception, or sanity. The term originates from the play and film titled "Gas Light," where a husband manipulates his wife into believing she is going insane by dimming the gas lights in their home and then denying that they are dimmed when she questions him.

Gaslighting often involves tactics such as:

1. Denial and Contradiction: The gaslighter denies things they have said or done, even when presented with evidence to the contrary. They may also contradict the target's memories or experiences.

2. Trivializing or Invalidating Feelings: Gaslighters may dismiss the target's emotions or concerns as unimportant or irrational, further undermining their confidence and sense of reality.

3. Projection: Gaslighters may accuse the target of behavior or motives that they themselves are guilty of, deflecting attention away from their own actions.

4. Isolation: Gaslighters may attempt to isolate the target from sources of support or validation, such as friends, family, or other sources of information, in order to maintain control over them.

5. Gradual Escalation: Gaslighting often starts subtly and gradually escalates over time, making it difficult for the target to recognize what is happening until they are deeply entrenched in the manipulation.

Gaslighting can occur in various types of relationships, including romantic relationships, family dynamics, friendships, and workplace environments. It can have serious psychological effects on the target, including feelings of confusion, self-doubt, and emotional distress. Recognizing and addressing gaslighting behavior is essential for protecting one's mental well-being and maintaining healthy relationships.

Gaslighting can manifest in various ways, often in interpersonal relationships, workplaces, or even on a societal level. Here are some examples:

1. Denying Reality: A person may deny events or situations that occurred, causing the victim to question their own memory or perception. For instance, someone might deny saying hurtful things even though the victim distinctly remembers it happening.

2. Twisting Facts: The gaslighter may twist facts or manipulate information to make themselves appear innocent or to shift blame onto the victim. For example, they might reinterpret past conversations to make the victim seem irrational or unreasonable.

3. Minimization: Gaslighters often downplay the victim's feelings or experiences, making them feel as though their concerns are insignificant or unwarranted. They might say things like, "You're overreacting" or "It's not a big deal" to invalidate the victim's emotions.

4. Projection: Gaslighters may project their own flaws or behaviors onto the victim, making them feel as though they are the ones at fault. For instance, a cheating partner might accuse their significant other of being unfaithful, despite having no evidence to support their claim.

5. Isolation: Gaslighters may isolate their victims from friends, family, or support networks, making them more dependent on the gaslighter for validation and reality checks. This can further reinforce the gaslighter's control over the victim.

6. Withholding Information: Gaslighters may withhold important information or manipulate communication to keep the victim in the dark. This can lead the victim to doubt their own understanding of the situation and rely more on the gaslighter for guidance.

7. Creating Confusion: Gaslighters may engage in behaviors that create confusion or chaos, making it difficult for the victim to trust their own judgment. This can include changing plans at the last minute, giving contradictory statements, or creating false narratives.

These are just a few examples of how gaslighting can manifest in relationships and other contexts. It's important to recognize these tactics, whether you are listening to a candidate debate, a boss telling you why you’re not getting a raise or a spouse telling you why it’s no big deal. Being able to spot psychological tools of manipulation is vitally important in the twenty-first century. From determining a politician's platform, to realizing you are being manipulated in any social setting, spouse, friend or co-worker. We can always decide not top vote for candidate Smith or Jones, but in a social context one may, upon recognition of the sense of being manipulated, need to seek support if you believe you're being gaslighted.

One would be wise to hold Miguel de Cervantes' famous quote “Forewarned; forearmed; to be prepared is half the victory” close to our vests.